Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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