So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
