i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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