I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
