Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
