Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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