Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i don't like sucking hair
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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