my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
