Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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