.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
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I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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