i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
