is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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