i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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