he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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