she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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