i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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