Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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