Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
