So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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