spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
