Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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