Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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