What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ttyl tear gas
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
