dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
