she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
