Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
