Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
