Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
