i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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