My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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