someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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