so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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