when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
