It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
