talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
