New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The beer is more important than you right now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
