if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
