well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
