my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
