I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
