what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
