The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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