Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
