U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
