so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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