it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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