you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
