No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
