All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
why is half of my head shaved?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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