so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
