It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
