Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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