you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize