i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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