he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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