Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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