Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
