listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
