I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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