Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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