i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
