Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
