the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
