After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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