S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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