Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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