so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
