You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
