i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
