You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
