I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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