Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
