I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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