She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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