Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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