Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
