Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
