Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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