I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
