nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
